Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I Keep Looking At Lilypie

FOREWARNING: Scatterbrained thoughts lie ahead!!! LOL

Recently, I noticed our Lilypie timeline.

7 months, 2 weeks and 1 day.

That would be the amount of time since we officially started our adoption journey. When I look at the time logged on Lilypie I find myself shocked at how fast the time has flown by. In those 7 months we have had Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's, Birthdays, a Ski Trip, and Mother's day.

I also can't help but think in terms of "pregnancy" and how I am feeling at this moment in our journey. I see on Facebook expecting mothers posting ultrasound pictures, pregnancy announcements, growing bellies, and professional maternity photography sessions. I sincerely love and enjoy hearing all the news and following along on their journey.

I will be 35 this year and we've been married for nearly 3 years so I am often asked when we're going to have a baby. I share our EXCITING NEWS of our little bub and that we are adopting and find that people are either really excited, offer words of caution, or appear to feel awkward. The words of caution and awkwardness are definitely things I had not anticipated. Some people are even so bold as to ask, "Can you not have kids on your own?". I am still struggling with what the right answer to this is, but to us adoption is not a second best option. Even if our first born was biological, God has placed this in our hearts and we do feel called to adopt. We are bubbling over with excitement so I guess we'll make up those differences! HA! HA!

PLEASE KNOW what I am about to say is not that biological pregnancy is easy, because I am certain it is not. Especially after seeing some of the very difficult challenges friends and family have faced in their pregnancies. What I can say is that if this was "traditional" we'd have our first born in our home in a little over 1 month. Instead, we have an empty bedroom that stores all those things you don't know what to do with so you close the door and pretend it's not messy. It's a silent room that screams "empty". We both hear it.
(Um, totally not our empty space LOL !!! It's too clean.  It just looked so much more nice than the mess we have in our space right now. I couldn't bring myself to publicly humiliate us by showing a REAL photo of our spare bedroom.)

Furthermore, we have only been on the waitlist for one month with at least 11 more months to go and potentially 17 more months depending on government changes. I find the timeline difficult given the need in our birth country, but also am so thankful for an agency and country who are making certain our children are not the product of trafficking.

When you hear me say or write "journey" it is just that for me...A JOURNEY. We feel a connection to our birth country though we have never been there. I feel a connection to other families also in the process with our agency though we've never met. As time passes this connection grows.

This is our "pregnancy". Our "maternity clothes" and connection are different, but our bond is growing. Never in my wildest dreams did I know a little bub halfway around the world would or could teach us so much AND we haven't even met! Quite frankly, I don't believe they have been conceived yet. God's weaving our lives already.

When most momma's are about to deliver, we're at the beginning of a VERY LONG wait full of many uncertainties.

 I know there are so many lessons to be learned as God continues to teach us along the way. I know our path is God's will. I know our family has already been planned long before even Tim and I were born. I know God provides. I know, "All things work together for the good for those who love the Lord."

 But sometimes, on days like today, I struggle.

7 months, 2 weeks and 1 day

1 month on the waiting family list

+ one


kera said...

fler......that was absolutely gorgeous...your writings from your heart. honest and vulnerable and full of both joy and sadness. i LOVE that i have been able to walk on this journey with you {even from afar} just as if i was keeping up with a baby growing in your belly. i LOVE that you guys have totally and completely embraced this burden God has placed on your hearts to adopt and are following his will for your lives and that of an ethiopian baby. i ADMIRE beyond your utmost understanding all that you have done and continue to do to make sure that you bring your baby home! you guys are AMAZING!!! many many MANY more people should take lessons from you both! my only hate in this whole process is how long it's taking.....although you always seem to remain positive and are reminding me often that God is definitely in control and He has the PERFECT baby chosen for you and tim! i love you both so very much! i think of you often and what an absolute FABULOUS homecoming is going to take place when you land in florida from ethiopia!! i. can't. wait.

Alison said...

You're so right...this is a journey! And God will be faithful to walk with us every step of the way! It has been hard for me to not compare it to pregnancy too. Praying this morning that God will sustain us through the long wait!

Keeping up with the Birmele's said...

Honestly, Kera could not have said it better! Your post was beautiful and so are you (in so many ways.) This journey that you and Tim are on I know is FULL of ups and downs, higs & lows, joy & sadness, excitement & struggle but most of all it is FULL of HOPE & LOVE! Your child whether they are waiting now in Ethiopia, have not been conceived yet or haven't been born yet is CHOSEN....CHOSEN to be YOUR child! CHOSEN to have two amazing parents in Florida that will love & provide this child with EVERYTHING they are! You are such a positive, optimistic person but I know that there are times where it is hard and that is ok too! God's plan is PERFECT. I know you have heard this text a million times but it gives me such reassurance in the days I struggle.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE (with your bub)

Love you so much!

Funny side note...I was trying to figure out what room that was in your house before I read further! :-)

Amy Bentz said...

What an amazing post. I loved it! This whole process is so hard to truly put into words. But, your words were beautiful and SO true.

The waiting is going to be brutal. It's hard not to jump on the next plane bound for Africa.

I feel so blessed to be on this journey. Blessed to have friends like you, whom I have never met, but have this incredible connection with. I am so glad God allowed us to journey together.

I look forward to getting to know you even better during the rest of our pregnancy :)